SAVOR THE SMALL STUFF

My Dad, not the world's biggest optimist, has a response he sometimes uses when someone asks him how he is doing. It is "well, I'm still above grass, so I guess I'm doing pretty good." My Dad is soon to be 88 and by all accounts pretty darn healthy, still working outside, still driving, still doing various social activities and making sure he keeps one eye on my Mom at all times to be sure she stays out of trouble. Trouble, I might add, which I am the one likely to get her into, at least in his opinion. As my parents get older, I think about the fact that no one lives forever, and while I don't want to even think about it, my parents won't live forever either. I honestly don't think a whole lot about my own mortality. I consider myself to be still young and healthy and I have a whole lot of things I want to accomplish before I take off to parts unknown, if you know what I mean. I also have a husband and two small children who need me. The thought of leaving my pristine house and impressionable young babes in the sole care of my husband is too scary! I just know he wouldn't make them make their beds and I am POSITIVE he would never clean the inside of the microwave! Remembering to sign all that paperwork from school? Forget about it! Daily Swiffering? Not gonna happen! But, I digress. The subject here is my mortality. I really thought about my mortality a lot this week. You see, a woman from our parish- not someone I knew well, but someone I did know- well, it's like this: she was diagnosed with cancer and given six months to live. This was around the 20th of February. She died 10 days later, on the 2nd of March. WOW! How the heck do you deal with THAT?! I sat there in church after the announcement of her funeral with my head swimming. How do you face imminent death? How do you prepare your loved ones? How do you attend to all the practical details of wrapping up your life here on earth? How in the world do you say goodbye to your husband, your kids, your parents? How do you prioritize your last 10 days of life? I mean, this is heavy stuff. Now, I am a woman of faith, and I have no doubt of the existence of a loving God and an afterlife of unending joy. I am no saint, but I have no fear of burning in Hell either. So, it's not that I fear death. Death is not an end, it is a "transition" into another kind of life. A better kind promised to me by my loving Father in heaven. So, it's not a fear of death that has me wanting to stick around here for awhile. And, though it does factor in, it's not even the thought of my un-Swiffered house or splattered microwave that gives me pause. It's the little things: kissing my husband. Hugging my kids. Talking to my Mom every day. Celebrating my birthday. Cooking a great meal. Drinking a great glass of wine. Laughing with my girlfriends. Driving a fast car. Hearing my 4 year old sing the whole Little Einsteins theme. Snuggling with my son. Seeing my Dad's face light up when he sees his grandchildren. Talking recipes and politics with my brothers. Listening to a favorite song cranked up loud. Seeing the beautiful sunset from my back porch. The smell of hyacinths. The sound of the ocean. Thunderstorms. And definitely chocolate! I can't imagine having to say good bye to all these things! Is it possible to not fear death, but to fear the absence of seemingly small, silly things like chocolate chip cookies? I would have to say yes. I would hope that I have a long life ahead of me, and that by the time it is time for me to say goodbye I will be so old and worn out that I will be ready to give up chocolate for heaven. I sincerely hope that I will just fall asleep in my favorite chair when I'm 101 or so and simply never wake up. Just peacefully go home to God without a great deal of fuss. I honestly don't know how I would "wrap it up" and get ready to go in just 10 short days. I cannot even fathom what it would be like to try to do that and for my family to face that. But I'll tell you one thing- this ladies' story has made me think long and hard about what is and isn't important. After all, none of us know how long we have. Whether we are young or old, healthy or not, no one knows exactly how much time they have. So we have to make each day count! People say "don't sweat the small stuff." I say it's the small stuff that matters most! It's the little every day things, all piled up on top of one another, that make up a life. Chances are, if you reflect on what's important to you, it won't be lofty goals or spectacular plans that come to the forefront. It will be little things like tucking your kids in at night or having a date night with your husband. These things we can do! We can plan and we can accomplish! For the next 10 days, pick one thing to do, or one place to go, or one thing to eat and SAVOR it! Don't sweat the big stuff! SAVOR THE LITTLE THINGS! In the end, you see, when a life is lived, it's the little things that people remember. You don't hear people say in a eulogy "She had a diversified retirement account"  or "she had a Master's degree in chemical engineering." Or "she paid her mortgage on time every month." You hear people say "She was a great Mom." Or "she always had a kind word and a hug for anyone who needed it." "She loved to laugh." "She knew a good bottle of wine when she saw one and she loved to share it with her friends." "She knew more jokes than anybody else I know." "She made the best pumpkin pie ever." "Her smile could light up a room."  It's the every day things that matter most. So don't sit around and wait for something fabulous to happen. See the fabulous in today!

SMELL THE ROSES FOREVER, TAKE IT FOR GRANTED NEVER!

Seeing the forest for the trees

The last Friday of every month our parish does Eucharistic Adoration. For you non-Catholics, that means that the consecrated host, which we believe to be the true body of Jesus,  is exposed in a monstrance, which is a special, fancy holder so that folks may come and pray before Jesus, whom we believe is present in the Host. It is a solemn and holy observance. Since we believe in the real presence of Jesus, someone must be in the church the entire time the Blessed Sacrament is exposed, which is 24 hours in our case. So, we have a sign-up sheet, and people sign up for one hour time periods. Some ambitious folks even sign up for more than one time slot. I used to do Eucharistic Adoration every month before I had my daughter, but lately I haven't done it as much. So, when they made the announcement at Christmas mass for Eucharistic Adoration on the 30th, I thought it would be a great time to start up again, and a wonderful way to start the new year. Just me and Jesus, talking and planning and praying about the coming year. So, I left my kids home with Dad and off I went. It is awe inspiring to be the only one in the whole church, sitting there before Jesus. It's quiet, it's peaceful- it's a special time. As I was sitting there praying and reading scripture and thinking, I was admiring the beautiful nativity scene. Trying to imagine what was going through the minds of Mary and Joseph and the shepherds as they gazed upon this little tiny baby who was somehow special, though they did not know just how yet. That's when it occurred to me- the crib and surrounding trees sit in front of where the statue of the Sacred Heart usually is. So, I had to get up and check it out. Was the statue there or did they put it away somewhere? I got up, peeked behind the crib and guess what? The Sacred Heart was there. He was covered up with a cloth, but He was there, hidden behind the tall trees. That was when it hit me...Jesus the Sacred Heart, shrouded in black cloth but ever shining in our hearts. Hidden, but ever-present in our lives. Always there if we only just pull aside the branches and SEE HIM. I decided there was a lesson there. Let 2012 be the year you remember to ask Jesus to be there for you. Ask Him into your life. Let 2012 be the year you "see the forest for the trees."

GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE!

The Prayer of St. Anselm
I seek not to understand in order that I may believe; rather I believe in order that I may understand.

Let's Talk Turkey

I am glowing with anticipation! This is one of my favorite times of the whole year! I love autumn, when the leaves change and the air grows crisp and one is drawn to the hearth, the crockpot and the down comforter. I love fall because my birthday is in the fall and I love to celebrate another year of staying alive and well. I love fall because of  our family tradition of making chili and snickerdoodles and going trick or treating together with my six foot four inch cousin dressed up in his gorilla costume and the kids laughing with sugar coated glee. And, I ADORE Thanksgiving! It is hands down my favorite holiday. I love to watch all the great cooking shows and get tips and recipes and ideas for Thanksgiving meals. I love to get in the kitchen and make good stuff, I love to eat brunch with my husband and kids and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade on television. (I dream of someday being there in person for the parade!) I like seeing happy stories on the news about people helping folks who don't have as much as they do and who enjoy sharing what they can to make sure everyone has something to be thankful for. I love getting together with my family and eating great food and giving thanks for my many, many blessings. I love the idea that on this one day, regardless of faith or creed, all Americans stop and consider how much they have to be thankful for. Oh, the joy of counting your blessings!
Now, let me tell you what I don't love. In fact, what I loathe. I ABSOLUTELY HATE that this wonderful, beautiful holiday gets overlooked and lost in the black hole of "retail hell." I detest seeing the Christmas ads come out and the stores putting Christmas merchandise out the minute Halloween passes. Throw out a few token turkey plates and napkins and call it a day. I hate that my kids haven't even eaten all their Halloween candy when the toy catalogs start flooding the mailbox. I despise when people are already putting their trees up and doing their Christmas shopping when November has barely been ushered in. Is it really necessary to drag folks away from their families on Thanksgiving night so that some people can hit the stores foaming at the mouth like rabid wolves looking for the "best deals of the season?" Don't even get me started on that one...mall marauders exemplify the worst aspects of humanity.Some stores are even staying open on Thanksgiving day now. It's criminal!  Really, what is so awful about waiting a few more days?! We're not talking about a huge chunk of time here people! Let the turkey have his day! Santa will get his time! Can't we just calm down and wait until after Thanksgiving?! I was thrilled to hear Nordstrom come out and say that this year, as in recent years, they will not be decorating for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. HALLELUJAH! One retailer who is willing to give the turkey his due! How about you? Do you love Thanksgiving and see it as a valuable and venerable tradition? If you feel like I do, send retailers a message. Save your Christmas shopping for the Christmas season, and let everyone enjoy turkey day at home with their families being thankful for all their blessings. I, for one, will be thanking God for autumn leaves, fall breezes, warm fires, cozy beds, hot chocolate with marshmallows, fuzzy slippers and folks to enjoy them with.

THANKSGIVING FOREVER, RETAIL DOMINATION NEVER!!!!

Making Do With Less

Ever been in the bathroom, "doing your business" only to discover that there are exactly 12 squares of toilet paper left on the roll and no access to another roll? Amazing what you can do with those 12 squares isn't it? Sure, you usually use at least double that, but man, how resourceful you can be when absolutely necessary. I think that kind of represents what a lot of us have been having to do for the last couple of years. With the down turn in the economy, we all have been forced to cut back or at least examine and reorder our priorities in one way or another. My husband works in a business that is very subject to the up and downs of the economy. We always have "fat" years and "lean" years. Man were the fat years fun! Indulging all your whims-dinner out at least 3 nights a week, clubs every weekend, biweekly shopping excursions at the mall, weekly salon appointments, fancy foreign vacations...what a blast! But, all good things must come to an end, right? The last couple of years we have had to cut back in different areas. Don't worry, we're not suffering- in fact, we have discovered that some of the things we used to spend our money on are not that hard to live without. Dinners at upscale restaurants, movies in the theater, fancy vacations...those things are definitely fun, but they aren't necessary. If you work at it, you can find plenty of inexpensive or even free fun stuff to do. In fact, we've discovered new happiness in the simple things in life. It's like the kid that gets a fancy toy only to play with the box. My son has made houses, cars, submarines, trains and more out of a plain cardboard box. All he did was engage his imagination. As adults, sometimes we forget to use our imagination, or we use up so much of our energy on the "daily grind" that we are simply to tired to think creatively. However, there are those that when given lemons, know how to make lemonade. The media is full of stories of folks forced into thinking outside the box to cope with the economy- 50 year olds changing careers, moms "extreme couponing," businesses cutting expenses without having to cut employees by doing away with frivolous perks and out of control expense accounts, people carpooling, folks taking "staycations." It's a matter of being resourceful and making the most of limited resources...like that last 12 squares of toilet paper. Amazing what you can do when you have to isn't it?

RESOURCEFULNESS FOREVER, GIVING UP THE GOOD STUFF NEVER!

The Enlightening Amusement Park

Today my husband, children, parents and I went on our annual excursion to an area amusement park. We go every year on a certain day, and have been doing this since I was a little kid. I remember being my sons age and how exciting it was and what I liked and didn't like. (One thing I liked, and always wanted was one of these huge paper roses, about 16 inches in diameter, but my mom always refused to shell out the stupid amount of money for said tissue paper rose, which may have scarred me permanently, but that's a tale for another time!) Now I get to go and see my parents enjoy watching their grandchildren ride the rides and eat the junk food and play those ridiculously expensive games and all those amusement park things. This year, my son has grown too tall to ride some of the rides in kiddie land, which makes me somewhat sad as it makes me realize how fast time travels and days go by and kids grow and change. My daughter is the one who really made me think this year though. This year, a whole year older than last, she was much more aware of things going on around her and was able to scope out the rides and choose which ones she was interested in, which was most of them. Where my son is timid and extremely cautious, my daughter is mach 2 with her hair on fire flat out goin'. Watching her run gleefully from one ride to the next, asking "where now mommy?" was so much fun. Seeing the smile on her face, hearing her little belly laugh as she held up her hands on the roller coaster brought me such joy. She's never been on a roller coaster before, but she was so open to trying it and so unabashedly enthusiastic, that it was contagious! I looked at her, wanting to freeze the moment in time because it was so full of joy and fun. The merry-go-round, the flying swings, the helicopters and race cars- all held a new adventure, excitement and joy. It was a day that I will always remember and picture in my mind, even when my daughter is all grown up. It gives me such joy and at the same time makes me want to cry because I know there will never be another day just like this one...time travels, days go by, kids grow and change. To those who contemplate never having children, which I admit, I at one time did, this is the kind of day that you can't fully explain or put into words when you are trying to convince someone that children are the most wonderful, magical, fun thing in the world. They pain you sometimes, and try your patience pretty much daily, but nothing is worth it like the payback you get when they wrap their little arms around your neck and plant a big kiss on your lips and say "I wuv you mommy!" or when they concentrate so hard on a crayon picture and then bring it to you pronouncing that it's you. I really love when I go somewhere and upon my return after, say, just a couple of hours get a running hug and greeting like I've been gone for days.And then there's the payback you get totally unexpectedly on magical days at the amusement park...thank you God for this day.

MAGIC FOREVER, GROWN-UPS NEVER!

TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL

SIMON SAYS

IT'S A CHALLENGE- CAN YOU CUT IT?

Recently I was having a discussion with a friend of mine who was unpopular with her teenage daughter because she had decided not to let her daughter go somewhere with a friend, especially once she found out that the other parent would be dropping the girls off and not staying to chaperone. The "somewhere" in question is no place for unattended teenage girls, I assure you. My friend was not relishing the coming discussion with her daughter, and the inevitable unhappiness and teen drama that would ensue. However, I know she will stick to her guns and do the right thing, whether it's popular or not. This episode exemplifies for me a pitfall that my friend refused to fall into, but that many parents seem to- one of the worst mistakes you can make as a parent- not being a parent. When you become a parent, you are responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of your child. That means doing what is best for them, whether they like it or not. When they're babies you make them eat their veggies. When they are in school you make them do their homework and take showers. When they are teens, it is up to you to keep track of them and know who they're with and what they're doing. That is parenting.  You are not your child's friend, and to trying too hard to be a friend is compromising your job as a parent. When your children grow older and more independent your job gets even harder as you do your best to guide them into the right choices. Sure, it's great to maintain an open dialogue and show respect to your child for their opinions and choices, but that doesn't mean that you aren't still in the driver's seat. I see folks try to be buddies with their kids instead of parents, and the result is a child who lacks clear direction, and a healthy respect for their parents. They tend to make poor choices because they have not been given a clear set of standards and rules to live by. Kids may act like they hate rules, but the truth is they thrive on a routine, and a well established and enforced set of rules. This is not a popularity contest. It is a job, it has rules, and you are the enforcer. I had friends in high school whose parents let them have parties with drinking, let them stay out as late as they wanted and didn't ask a lot of questions about where they were, what they ate and if their homework was done. They were the "cool" parents. My parents were not at all cool. Not even close. They were always making me eat healthy, checking on my homework and insisting on meeting my friends AND their parents to make sure we were all "on the same page." Boyfriends? They were submitted to the dreaded "meet the parents" session before I was even allowed out of the house with them. What a drag! But, over time, you know what I noticed? The kids with the "cool" parents ultimately felt ignored and sad because their parents didn't seem to really care about them. They would end up pulling stupid stunts just to get attention from mom and dad. I, on the other hand, had rules and expectations and curfews. I was extremely loved...what a drag, huh?


RULES RULE!

Ritual dining

Missing the Ritual

I love food. I love to cook it, watch shows about it, and especially eat it. I also realized recently that although the food is certainly important, it is the ritual that I really love. I love to watch shows like Anthony Bourdain, and Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. They are food shows, but they are travel shows as well, so we get to live vicariously through the hosts to see exotic locations, interesting people, and sometimes odd and, frankly, not tasty foods. One thing that I have noticed is that whether the countries they visit are wealthy or poor, or the people are sophisticated or primitive, food plays an essential part of their lives, and not just because it's necessary to sustain life. It doesn't matter if it's a 4 course meal in Italy, or one fish shared in Zimbabwe- it's the rituals involved- the gathering of family and friends, the traditions passed on from generation to generation. Think about your family and what traditions you have that involve food. Birthday dinners where mom makes whatever you want. The family Christmas celebration that wouldn't be the same without Aunt Betty's cranberry salad. The summer picnic that must be held in Uncle Bob's yard and must include cousin Ann's potato salad. These are traditions and you associate certain foods with them- it just wouldn't seem right without them. But, if you stop and think further, the most important part is not what you eat, but whom you are eating with. Sure, Aunt Betty's cranberry salad is important, but it wouldn't be the same without Aunt Betty, right? The truly essential element is the gathering, the sharing of stories, being with people you care about, making memories. I personally believe that this kind of interaction is important to make a part of daily life, not just special occasions. I fear that in this world of fast food and hectic schedules, the rituals of family dining have fallen by the wayside. The thought makes me sad. Sitting down to dinner as a family, sharing your thoughts, talking about your day, laughing together- this is strengthening the fiber of the family. If you can make a tasty, healthy meal, that's all the better, but if you can't pull that off every night, or most nights, at least sit down and share the meal- even if it's not gourmet fare. Your kids may well remember Friday night pizza night as their favorite, because everyone sat down together and shared time. Chances are they won't remember a drive thru meal or a sandwich gulped down in front of the t.v. We may not all be the "Next Food Network Star," but hey- if Rachael Ray can whip up something tasty in 30 minutes, so can we! So, I say, let's revive the ritual! Clear off that dining room table, set out the dishes, and SIT DOWN AND EAT! Talk, laugh, share. Make the time, because none of us know how much time we really have to share.

BON APPETITE!