TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL

SIMON SAYS

IT'S A CHALLENGE- CAN YOU CUT IT?

Recently I was having a discussion with a friend of mine who was unpopular with her teenage daughter because she had decided not to let her daughter go somewhere with a friend, especially once she found out that the other parent would be dropping the girls off and not staying to chaperone. The "somewhere" in question is no place for unattended teenage girls, I assure you. My friend was not relishing the coming discussion with her daughter, and the inevitable unhappiness and teen drama that would ensue. However, I know she will stick to her guns and do the right thing, whether it's popular or not. This episode exemplifies for me a pitfall that my friend refused to fall into, but that many parents seem to- one of the worst mistakes you can make as a parent- not being a parent. When you become a parent, you are responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of your child. That means doing what is best for them, whether they like it or not. When they're babies you make them eat their veggies. When they are in school you make them do their homework and take showers. When they are teens, it is up to you to keep track of them and know who they're with and what they're doing. That is parenting.  You are not your child's friend, and to trying too hard to be a friend is compromising your job as a parent. When your children grow older and more independent your job gets even harder as you do your best to guide them into the right choices. Sure, it's great to maintain an open dialogue and show respect to your child for their opinions and choices, but that doesn't mean that you aren't still in the driver's seat. I see folks try to be buddies with their kids instead of parents, and the result is a child who lacks clear direction, and a healthy respect for their parents. They tend to make poor choices because they have not been given a clear set of standards and rules to live by. Kids may act like they hate rules, but the truth is they thrive on a routine, and a well established and enforced set of rules. This is not a popularity contest. It is a job, it has rules, and you are the enforcer. I had friends in high school whose parents let them have parties with drinking, let them stay out as late as they wanted and didn't ask a lot of questions about where they were, what they ate and if their homework was done. They were the "cool" parents. My parents were not at all cool. Not even close. They were always making me eat healthy, checking on my homework and insisting on meeting my friends AND their parents to make sure we were all "on the same page." Boyfriends? They were submitted to the dreaded "meet the parents" session before I was even allowed out of the house with them. What a drag! But, over time, you know what I noticed? The kids with the "cool" parents ultimately felt ignored and sad because their parents didn't seem to really care about them. They would end up pulling stupid stunts just to get attention from mom and dad. I, on the other hand, had rules and expectations and curfews. I was extremely loved...what a drag, huh?


RULES RULE!